Break Down - as a chance


How often in your life have you asked yourself the following questions:

  • Is this the right job for me?
  • Why am I saying "YES" when I really want to say no?
  • What can I do to rescue this relationship?
  • How much longer am I going to cope with this stress? 

... and how often did you decide to compromise to the benefit of harmony or out of feelings of responsibility or guilt? I imagine this might have caused some paradigms. What did you choose to go with in the end? Was it:


or    growth


or    advancement


or    conflict

instant gratification                        

or    long term benefit with sustainability


or    vulnerability


or    learning


or    agility and change


or    spontaneity


Perhaps you couldn't decide because each of these individual aspects offers a paradox in itself. For example, it could easily be possible to compromise and choose comfort, stability and harmony for the benefit of saving a mediocre relationship. This choice could be driven by a fear of the unknown or perhaps by a fear of breaking away from social norms. Interestingly enough, the result of choosing harmony comfort and stability also carries an inherent risk of stagnation, resignation and false pride.

On the other hand, if by choosing to focus on growth, sustainable long term benefits, agility and vulnerability, then chances are that we are preparing to face our fears. This could mean conflict in order to stay true to ourselves, our values and offering our vulnerability to learn and grow as an individual, as a result of this brave move. 

This could mean trying on or even adopting a new mindset, practising a new behaviour or even asking for support. Whether at work or in a personal situation, the decisions you make around these choices open possibilities and doors to progress and develop. 

Like with many other things it is the path that is the goal here too!  To support you so that you can walk this path with courage I have developed 7 road signs for your orientation through this rocky road:

  1. SIGNS:  First of all it is all about discomfort, when frustration and conflict shows up as the order of the day. This might be due to an internal conflict caused by one’s own behaviour such as: procrastination, the result of a mistake or decision, a lack of self esteem or an inability to say NO without a fear of feeling inadequate and guilty. Alternatively, frustration, anger or even rage could also be triggered externally through road rage caused by congestion, a personality clash or a difference in opinion. HOW TO DEAL WITH IT:  accept the emotion and observe the behaviour.                                                           
  2. SIGNS: Following the reflection in step 1 we might get a whiff of failure, which sometimes happens when we face our own demons.  HOW TO DEAL WITH IT:  Reflect on the thought which might have contributed to create the frustrating situation or emotion. Just notice the thought and resist judgement.                                                                                                                                                                                         
  3. SIGNS: Confusion is the name on the next road sign. This generally is confusion over one's own traits, behaviours or the way forward. Sometimes, confusion is about the purpose and value of it all. HOW TO DEAL WITH IT: Imagine yourself driving through a tunnel and accept this state of confusion as progress along the road of becoming agile. It is part of the journey and there will be light at the end of the tunnel soon.                                                                                                                                                                           
  4. SIGNS: To come out the other way, we look at all the possibilities. We find ourselves chatting to trusted sources about it and listen to different opinions and views. We're in collection mode. HOW TO DEAL WITH IT: Good on you! Carry on, as this stage is all about finding clarity!  Ask yourself:       - What is truly important for me here?   - What are the consequences of the various solutions for my environment, the people around me and myself?     - Where do I want to be?       - How is this thought, action or emotion moving me towards where I want to be?        
  5. SIGNS: Doubts have a good home in this part of the journey!  We almost thought that we’d nailed it and then all sorts of doubts creep up once we have decided. Examples of this are:                                                                                                                                                                                 - Am I doing the right thing?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   - What if .....?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             - Am I capable enough to do this?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       - What will XYZ say...?                                                                                                                                                                                                 HOW TO DEAL WITH IT:  Look at the doubts and find a way to eliminate them, so that you can fully commit yourself to the cause. Direct all energy to it, practise, practise, practise. Seek external support like a good friend, mentor, buddy or a coach who can guide and encourage you. I promise it will get you through the rough spells.      
  6. SIGNS: When we try on new behaviours, strategies or thinking, it initially feels very clumsy and disjointed indeed! It is natural for such symptoms to show up and feel uncomfortable. This is a vital point to make final adjustments to make the behaviour your own and be authentic with it.  HOW TO DEAL WITH IT:  Stay mindful and present, show trust in yourself, practise self esteem, implement and adjust, stay authentic and show courageous discipline!                        
  7. SIGNS: Here we are now on our last road sign. Our destination is now within reach and we notice how our environment has changed accordingly. For example: A relationship works with trust and respect again; a sense of inner peace and harmony appeared. At work we have managed to implement an innovative idea or improvement which engaged the colleagues along the way. We have become "AGILE" , collaborate and learn from each other. This flexibility absolutely can be an inspiring influencer which helps to master the challenges of the 21st century.   HOW TO DEAL WITH IT: It is vital at this stage that we practise personal effectiveness, focus on the NOW and keep what we promise.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             




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